well...i wrote, um...less than a paragraph of my paper so far...maybe it would help if my books weren't buried under a pile of clothes...yes that must be it! i will go dig them out...
take this little quiz to find out how emotionally damaged you are...yay! [[how screwed up are you? take this quiz]] i made it...yeah there are no pictures or anything neat..sorry..i can't waste THAT much time!! at least, not today.
yes i'm in a quiz kinda mood...actually i'm trying to write a 10 page paper...i still haven't started. procrastination + typing a paper = quizzes and whatever else is online.
so far, at ucsd, my easiest quarter was when i took 19 units. my hardest was when i took 13 (worst gpa too). i got the highest gpa when i took 15 untits. this quarter is OK. recent grades: vis 21 paper: A+ mmw midterm: B- mmw prospectus: A- thde1 midterm: A- thge27 paper: A- but...i have missed 4 classes in the past 2 weeks, (3 of them were mandatory!!) so grades could get worse! eeeekk!
i helped a random girl re-design her website/page...i basically just tweeked the html and format, messed with the colors, and took out all the icky graphics that she hated. it only took like 1-2 hours...lol...yay me! {see it, in blue & modified even more} ....if you want to use this template for your blog, you can download it at www.blogskins.com
funny little story: last saturday, i went shopping in PB and bought a whole bunch of random stuff (including a big white vintage crinoline! should i wear it to school?! lol) ...when i got home, i noticed that one bag was missing....containing a red pair of pants....i was worried that i had left it at the restaurant we ate at, but then i remembered taking that bag to the car, and just assumed that we had somehow left it in there. i forgot to go get it out of the car before my boyfriend when home. today i went over to my best friend Mia's house and immediately she picks up a pair of pants and says "look what i found in the parking lot, they don't fit me, do you want them?" and guess what?! they were my missing red pants!! it's so weird how my best friend, out of all the people who live and hang out on campus, was the one to find my missing pants!
there is nothing i like more than walking across campus on a nice sunny day, grinning at every single girl i see, and getting lovely cold hard stares and twisted ugly faces in return. i sure do love conservative-republican ucsd, or whatever it's supposed to be. it just makes my day! stupid people can't take a girl wearing fleece pj pants with a "classy" but see-through, shirt and a full coverage, non-see-through, black bra underneath. three words: idiots. idiots. idiots. that's way more clothing than a bikini! lol. why can't people just let me be and leave me alone?! is that so hard?! people seriously need to get a life. i'm getting tired of this game. this is a free country. people should not be shocked or disgusted to see someone wearing a shirt that they bought from a quite normal store in this free country. they should be used to it by now, i mean hello??? tv? brittany spears, madonna?? etc?? have these people not heard of these things??? i just want to wear what i like, what i think is creative, what i think matches, what i think is cute, without all these losers who have not been outside their castle walls staring at me. i'm sorry if their mommies and daddies sheltered them and made them look ugly and dull and boring and shop at nordstrom. it's not my fault! i'm not the one that made them that way! they shouldn't glare at me! i feel very sorry for them that their minds are sewn shut. but maybe it's time that they brake down their castle walls and see that there is more than one way to be, maybe they should start thinking about growing up...............so that they can leave me alone! i mean i don't really mind. i actually think it's kinda funny...it just gets old though, you know? i'm over it, they killed it, etc. i just want people to learn to see past the cover of the book, see past the clothes that they are so incredibly quick to judge by. (pictures...go find em')
okay so i take that back. i've had too much caffine. i can't go to sleep. it sucks. i only had one starbucks vanilla latte last night and then one can of cherrry coke at like 3am. i guess that's too much when you've only had about 2 glasses of caffine in the last two months!
i'm amazed that me, of all people, 'miss anti-computers--refused to learn how to type despite countless classes--have like 20 aim screennames-but rarely uses any of them--hates email--doesn't know what to do online---me'...that me, actually has a website. i never thought that would happen!!!...and now i feel imprisioned to the internet forever...constantly trying to "finish" this thing that can never be finished....i like to finish things really fast and then be done...but this thing has to be updated..or else people will go away, and then the one time i actually do have something to say to the world, no one will be there to read it. tragic, isn't it? lol
as i was atempting to read 300+ pages for my midtern tomorrow (well, really later "today")...i realized that it is only worth 11% of our grade...WHY was i trying to study at all?!! even if i don't take it i will get a B in the class!!! (...or a C, at worst...) yeah...so i'm going to stop reading, study the 10 pages or so of notes i have, and then sleep for 4 hours! yay!! (4 hours is good, when i was planning to not sleep at all....and i have class until 8pm tomorrow!!) i love BS theatre classes!! take one...instant GPA booster...i recommend THDE1(design)...and beginning acting. just remember though, when taking classes like this at ucsd, if you spell "theatre" the american or "fake" way: "theater"...you will be killed and eaten. (they impound this into our heads...we even get handouts about it...lol)
LOOK!!!! NEW!!!! PAGES AND STUFF...it's like a real website now! lol the new homepage address is
maystar.blogspot.com
i made it shorter so that it's easier to type or to remember...not like anyone really does that, but still...if you ever want to type it out, or remember it, now, you can.
OH! what a bad day! all my html spaces got turned into some "A" looking thing...errrr! it took like 45 min.s to delete them all! now my picture links look all messed up! errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
YAY!! i figured out how to add an AIM link!!! click it to IM me!! lol babypixiestar
things of today: 1. the smallest cutest watermelon was $7.21 at ralphs. 2. 5 cops were standing in a group in the parking lot, chatting, laughing, and drinking coffee 3. ralphs calls clearly labeled boxes of manderin oranges: "tangerines" ...probably so that the "elite" "classy" stupid people will buy them. personally, i hate tangerines...i LOVE manderins!! but they are hard to find...(but maybe we all just found out WHY..lol)
see avril with no make up...YUCK! this is someone's anti-avril page....it's kinda funny...the no make up pic is near the end of the page....haha she looks like the hanson brothers!! ooohh...and someone else seems to agree with me....about her sounding "country"... and for those of you that would rather READ how much she sucks... and oh yes, if you didn't know, there are tons and tons of people who hate this fake skater-punk and her cult of 13 year old fans. i just found out that i am not the only one annoyed by her fake punk music.
it's so stupid, it's so stupid! what is the point of going to school and then being successful, if we are all just going to die eventually????? i can't seem to grasp the point. why be "successful" ?? why? why work so hard our whole lives just to die?
remember this tootsie pop story...? let's all send in wrappers...even though we don't get free candy...LOL Tootsie Roll Industries, Inc. 7401 S. Cicero Ave. Chicago, IL 60629
so i thought that for the first time in almost 12 years that i was finally really happy again......for once, that i was not so depressed anymore, that i was almost healed...and then... it all started over again...the wall of the dam that protects my heart which i thought was empty, burst, and an ocean of saddness poured out.... my teacher brought her blond 2-3 year old son to class tonight...and he reminded me so much of my little brother, who was blond and 3 at the time we got taken away from my mom...he's adopted now...and i haven't seen him for five years...he's now 10 ....and i just know that by the time i get to see him again, when he's like 21 or so, that the bond we had will be broken...ripped to shreads and gone. there will be nothing there. he will be a stranger to me, and the cute little boy that i remember and love so much will be gone forever and the memory in my mind of him will be like a dream, and a brother that never really existed...or was kidnapped and never returned....... i have already lost one brother to time in this way: He was 5 and i was 7 the last time we were really together. we were best friends and nothing could seperate us...and then, that was the end. i didn't see him again until i was almost 16...and he had changed...being with him felt worse than being with a stranger...he had become shy and quiet. i don't think he even said a word to me, not even hi....and that was the death of my first favorite brother in my mind. i haven't seen him since...and it doesn't really matter because he's not the person that i used to know... i could more easily call a newly aquired friend a brother, than i could call him. My best friend-cousin i have also partially lost in this same way...when i first saw her again after 7 years...she had changed....and i've seen her several times since then...and we've tried our hardest to get back what we once had, but still, it is not the same, there is no bond anymore, time has divided us and it will never be like it used to be. And i just can't get over that fact. I long for the past. i always want to go back and make it so that i wouldn't have lost those people that i loved more than anything; my family. and I am tortured by the fact that i cannot go back and i am haunted by memories of people who no longer exist in the same form. i even have lost my mom; my mommy...and i tried so, so hard to hang on...and she slipped away without me even realizing it, and she has changed too much too...and it's not that people changing or growing is a bad thing...it's just when you are not there with them, and they change...and so you notice the changes...they are drastic...and without contact, you lose your friendship, your relationship...it's painful. i try so hard to block it out. to forget everything. i build my walls so thick....but occasionally a brick slips out of place and makes a hole, and tears escape.... and now i have to sit here and watch, helplessly, as my last close family member dissapears with the others- into time, and into the past.
7.9 EARTHQUAKE: "Sunday, November 3rd at 1:12 PM in the central region of Alaska, 92 miles south of Fairbanks" I used to live in Fairbanks...my aunt still lives there...eeeek!!!
okay, so my TA wanted me to go to office hours and told me like a million times...and finally i did. after searching for the second set of mmw ta offices for like 20min.s, i found his office...and so he looked at my paper topic for like 30 seconds. and that was all. he didn't help. what a waste of my time!
did you know that i have a sk8board...*gasp!* did you know that i've had it since 8th grade? ....most people are always shocked when they see that i have a sk8board and they didn't know...lol...i'm not sure quite why...anyways here are pix: lol !! my beautiful sk8board!
how does may look without tons of make up? pictures taken after just waking up: see may with no make up! okay, okay...so i'm a little obsessed with my new camera...come over so i can take pictures of you!! ....pictures of *chris* coming soon....! yay!
okay so i thought i was going to bed...but now i'm not....today (yesterday? this night?) was an interesting day...halloween started off great.....me and chrissy went trick or treating...for the first time really in years...it was sooo fun much fun! i went running from house to house in my angel wings and ballerina type skirt...pretending that i was 5 (ok, so maybe i AM 5...lol)...we got lots and lots of candy and then..............it died........the streets became empty and quiet...it was 8:30, bedtime for all the real 5 year olds...and we were off to my house to change costumes and get ready to go to the costume party at the club...i was sooooo excited...i was telling chris how wonderful it was that for the first time, after trick-or-treating, i was going to do something else too...and how when i was little the empty streets at 8pm depressed me...and then i would have to go home....and no more fun...but tonight...tonight, was going to be different! i was going to be 5 and then 19...then perfect combonation! (well 4 and 21 would be better...but, yeah..) i was going to have the best of both worlds, at least for this one night...and then it happened...while i was almost all ready to go....we discovered that Chris had been in so much in a hurry to get to my house, trying to beat the traffic and so...that he had forgotten his wallet! and no wallet means NO ID! which means no club and a waste of the money we spent on tickets. he lives like an hour away...so we couldn't go get his ID....it was so depressing at horrible...may loves dancing and may loves costumes and this was the only night of the year that the two can come together without limits....and i had to miss it....and now i regret not wearing my REAL costumes to the rave and to school and to trick-or-treating...because now i didn't get to wear tham at all..not really, at least....so after a half hour of pouting, we decided to go Downtown (SAN DIEGO, NOT la jolla...that would be called "downtown la jolla" and that would be boring!)...we got there close to 11:30 and went to our fav. coffee shop...after that we went and walked around...(this is where may gets somewhat happier...)...all the streets and clubs and bars (and also endless cars) were flooded with people...ALL wearing halloween costumes...it was really nice to see teenagers (or 21 yr-olds!) in costumes!!! sometimes i think that UCSD represents the whole world and that life will be like that...and then i get away.... and i see REAL people, and it is such a relief! i am still mad that i have to wait till next year for halloween to come again! lol ...i think i'm going to invent a club where you HAVE to wear wings, costumes, or something fun, colorful, or unique to be allowed to come in...kinda like only the funnest and most beautiful people are allowed in...(well beautifuly CLOTHED people, that is...!) it could be called "More Than 54" (j/k) LOL.!!..you know the old, exclusive, wild club: 54...? anyways if i had a club like that, would you go to it? or would i go broke...??? ......goodnight.
