leaving for winter brake after i go out dancing with Brittany tomorrow night. I'm leaving my computer here...i'm not that attached...unlike SOME of you, *a-hem! Kian* anyways leave me lots of pretty comments, and if you want to email me use this link/email address only please. [[starprincessmay@hotmail.com]] (i still won't check it till i get back, though.) call me on my cell if you are bored and wanna hang out....or go dancing *grin* i'll be in south OC. okay well, have a fun christmas brake and eat lots of cookies and christmas stuff!! oh and if you wanted to go to the new years eve rave with me, it's a massive and it's safe (JENA!) buy tix early before the prices go up! and let me know you are coming with me asap! [[check out the rave site! buy tickets!]] LISA, did you ever figure out if you wanted to go or not? let me know! it's called a phone. use it. i dare you! it's funny that all of us turned out to be non-phone people, or at least non-calling people! lol (you, me, jena, joann) stupid savanna! or was it brookhurst...? it's all the school's fault! haha
where is my compassion? why am i so bitter? who have i become? why am i so mean? where is my patience? why am i so selfish? where did i leave myself? i can't seem to find me. did you ever know me? i can barely remember. all i ever wanted was to go home. i gave up hope. i don't pray anymore. there's nothing left to wish for. it is all over now. broken dreams can't come true. why even try to find me? when i can't even stand to try to see you for who you used to be. i don't want to look there. i just want to run. and keep on running away. the pain is always at my heels. so i must run. until i run out of life.
i've let everything important slip away and i didn't even notice it's hard to stop ignoring what you don't want to face why can't everything just be the way it used to be? why do i have to spend my whole life fixing everything? why do i try put school over everything - and i don't even like it? why do i ignore the things i love? where did my dreams go? every part of me is dead there is no point to me living i have no future, i have no drive i just push on and on incessantly with no purpose to anything i am so sick of it all somewhere i lost myself and all that's left is the clothes somewhere after 10th grade was the end of me and i think i know why and i'm not sure how to fix it nothingness i remain an empty shell.
go buy some "ucsd hottie" merch!! designed by me. http://www.cafeshops.com/maystardesigns not sold in the bookstore!! LOL if you want, i will design you a specific shirt, and then you can buy it.... these guys take like 75% of the profit! ick. i guess they do most of the work though, LOL....but still...they take too much! "buy them as christmas presents for your friends....."LOL *may tries to advertise* and for the people who always ask them to send me pic.s, god knows why-when you can already see them on my website, buy a may calendar at http://www.cafeshops.com/may and leave me alone!
instead of studying, i made this: [[see it....!]] yay! i'm learning more html ! ....actually i'm not learning it at all....i'm learning how to copy, paste and then modify until it works! i also made 2 gif files....see them on the main picture page.... [[picture page]] weeeee!
oh will i never find a best girl friend to laugh with and to have fun with?
last night i had the weirdest dream: i was on a train that kinda looked like a city bus inside. i was sitting in the back. sitting close to me, there was this really scarey 'thing' that was like a person but it's face was all distorted and ugly, dirty, and kinda green and it had a black eye....anyways it was somehow scaring me/talking to me so i jumped out of the train door, while the train was going 60mph, and i jumped on to the top of the train somehow and held on really tight....finally it was safe to get back on the train, and i sat next to some guy who was somehow protecting me from the 'thing'. we ended up getting off at the same stop. it was a small town; a cross between san clemente, laughlin and ward cove, AK. i guess that it was meant to be AK....i think my dad was who i was going to visit or something....anyways i hung out with the guy a lot and we found out that my ex boyfriend scott, and his friend andrew, lived across the river from the house that i was staying at. we went to go see him...and some lady was in their house, questioning them (?).....then i went to my cousins' house and i was trying to teach them/tell them about how the world works or something....
thoughts for L. you somehow, out of everyone, have compassion. you understand others' pain. you feel for them. almost as if you were them. you seem to love everyone. and everything. you are the only one that seems to care.
chris and i got a kitten yesterday! weeeee! it is such a little brat though... there are pictures.... you should know how to find pictures by now.... if you can't find them, you are dumb.... and if you are dumb then i don't want you to see them anyway. LOL
