weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! someone (a random person) quoted me in their blog!!!: [[ see it here! ]] (it's the one posted at 11:11 PM on Thursday, January 30, 2003)
i hate almost everyone. it seems like the more i know about someone, the more i hate them. not for any specific reason though. i hate them because they are vain, because they think themselves to be so great, because they are so shallow, because they are uncultured, and for lots of silly reasons like those...just seeing a girl walking past me with a scowl on her face, makes me hate all people. i'm surrounded by these horrible creatures. ew. i hate this world.
you gotta love UCSD- there's a rave on Feb 1st called Pajama Jam SO ucsd, being ever so original, is having an event on the same night, called you guessed it- "Pajama Jam". yay for ucsd.
tip of the day for all you so-called non-conformists that turn your back on your favorite bands when everyone else likes them: "A non-conformist doesn't care what everyone else is doing."
today i saw jessica...ewwwwwww...she was coming back from visiting jonathan. yuck. yuck times two. ...she was actually "nice" to me. imagine that!
a dark-skinned guy walking behind me today was talking to his friend about terrorism and america and so on. it's nice to know that at least a few people share my views of the world. 1) a lot of people at ucsd are stupid. 2) the white supremacy idea has turned into american supremacy. 'we are better than the world therefore; we can interfere with whatever country we want to'. 3) other countries HATE americans and it's an act of heroism to bomb america, they want us to stop meddling in their lives and county, etc..
a note of my own: if WE (as in the "US"....) have the right to go into other countries and try to "fix" their governments for them, that means it is PERFECTLY FINE for, say, Africa or Germany to come into America and get rid of our government for us and meddle with our county. it's the exact same thing. they don't want our "help." and we wouldn't want theirs either. the end.
why americans are better than ALL: (discalimer: generalizations based on the population as a whole.) they have less manners they are fatter than others they are ungrateful they have less virtures and morals they are uncultured, for the most part they are unfriendly they are stuck up they care more about money than people they think they are the best
this cleary shows WHY americans are better than the rest of the world. don't you agree?!
maybe we are not the best in the world, but i do think that we ARE the cleanest, and the most sanitary in the world ...which...yay...fortunatley for us, causes allergies. (based on: kids that are exposed to farm animals and more germs when young who become immune vs. kids raised in a virtually germ-free enviroment......who are starting to devolope lots more allergies....says the discovery channel.) [[see my new pictures 01/27/03]]
[["valentine's day 1991" poem]] okay...so lots of people hate valentine's day...because they don't have anyone...well, if you are me, it never seems to matter whether you have someone or not...no matter how hard i try to have a "happy" valentine's day, it doesn't work!...valentine's day has been cursed ever since 1991 1991-i was at my dad's for a "visit" (a couple months long, maybe??)...i kept having a "feeling" that someone was going to come see me, and then my mom showed up at my school-in my class!! on valentine's day! i ran and gave her a hug! she told me that she'd meet me at my dad's house after school. so, after school, i took the school bus home with my brother, and when we got off, there was "mitch" (my evil stepmom's friend) in her car, waiting to snatch us up...and she did...and so i never got to go to my dad's house and never got to see my mom....it was very, very sad. all my stepmom's evil plan...we normallly walked right home after we got off the bus....3 days later, i was sent to my grandfathers, and then later to my aunt's house, legally "kidnapped" by my mom's own family...and i didn't get to go home to mom until late 1992 or so, only to be taken away again forever, a couple years later 1998- valentine's day i was supposed to see my boyfriend scott-but it was raining, and my foster mom bitch wouldn't let me go anywhere. 1999-i was supposed to see scott again, but he wouldn't drive an hour to come see me. 2000-i went to chris's and his mom was yelling at us for having the door closed, for sitting on his bed, and on and on, then chris and his mom got in a fight, and i had to leave, but instead: chris stole the car and we spent valentine's day sitting in the car- yay. on top of that, he waited till the last minute to get me a present, so it sucked and also seemed like he didn't care... 2001-chris didn't show up. he went out somewhere with his friends- what a jerk. he saw me the next day though- yay. 2002-errrr....i can't remember it at all!! lol how bad will THIS year be?!
despite my hate of fluorescent lighting and digital cameras for use with "real" pictures, i agreed to take pictures with my photographer inside my fluorescent lit room with an "expensive" digital camera. all 98 pictures turned out soooooooooooo ugly. if they were on paper, i would have shreaded them. since they were even too ugly to "photoshop" and i don't have that program anyway, i made them all "antique" which made them a little better...but i still think the whole shoot was a waste of time and i can take prettier pix with my own "cheap" digital camera. but either way, digital pictures are useless. i only like film. [[see the new pictures]]
site meter statistics: one AOL user on my picture page: Jan 20 2003 time: 7:27:39pm, page views: 25, time on page: 53:30.... at least somebody actually looks at this site after all the work that i stupidly put into it...!!! no body ever even READS this page though!! it's not that they read it and don't like it, and then leave; that might be okay.... it's just that they look at it, and go right to the picture page. yay. they probably never even read one word! come on, there's a book here: read it!! i mean, a couple people have spent like 45 min.s on this page, but it's mostly "time on page: 0:00" or so it seems it seems....
from someone's profile: "Pledge A Grievance To The Flag Of The Divided States Of Hypocrisy, And To The Flag For Which It Falls, 50 Nations, A Christian Country, With No Liberty, Or Justice For All."
(i don't think it's a christian country...everyone i know seems to hate christians, probably with good reason. that name is absolutely ruined and stained. there are some "good" christians, that you shouldn't hate...but i think they need to call themself something else....)
i always want to make a bumper sticker that says "Divided we FALL" (instead of "united we stand") because America is so socially divided and it gets worse every day and no one notices, no one cares and the government makes more and more laws and take away more and more of our freedoms and no one notices
like that story about that frog... and how the water got hotter and hotter and when he finally noticed, he boiled to death....
and when they DO notice, we are going to be under some kind of horrible hilter-like government and no one will ever be able to overthrow it ever because they won't even be able to talk to each other, unless they use AIM or email and then the government will take away all your computers and all that america will be, is a nation of divided, shy, weak people helpless under the government’s control. the end.
OKAY so maybe this won't ever REALLY happen....but WAKE UP people!!! your freedoms are decreasing every day! those of you that vote: DON'T listen to the commercials....READ all the fine print on what you are voting for!! There may be a proposition that says "Vote for prop 786334 and pot with be legal! yay!" and then when you read the small print it might say: "you are also voting for no longer being able to drive/own cars in the US." okay...so maybe that's a bad example....but they really do stuff like that! whatever laws you vote for, that restrict someone's freedom, in ANY way ...make sure that YOU would be willing to go to jail for braking that law! for example, the SEATBELT LAW...okay...so it seems simple enough...common sense right? yeah, ok. BUT the government should NOT be our babysitter!! If we want to not wear our seatbelts, we should be allowed to!! we don't need the government THAT involved in our lives....and you all know they story of the man that got shot for not wearing his seat belt right?? He had about three unpaid tickets...for not wearing his seatbelt...and he refused to pay them because he didn't believe that he should have to wear his seatbelt ....anyway, one day the man got pulled over (for something minor, i think maybe not wearing his seatbelt) and the officer found that the guy had a WARRANT out for his arrest!!! The officer didn't know why though....it just said that there was a warrant out for this guy’s arrest. The guy got scared and ran. The policeman chased him and then <> he shot the guy....and he DIED....and you know what the warrant was for, right? UNPAID seatbelt tickets. What a lovely reason to be shot!! And if he hadn't of been shot, he would have had to spend time in jail! for not wanting to wear his seatbelt!! something that should be a personal CHOICE, a freedom that YOU decide...but it's not...and a lot of other things are not either.... I really hate that in this FREE county, it is against the LAW to go to the beach after 10pm in Newport, and between 12-4pm in San Clemente. What kind of F'd up FREE country is THAT??!! And what?? You have to PAY for a pass to drive into certain places in the mountains??? Or to go camping!! And you have to camp next to other people? In Russia, says Anna (who lived there) you just drive into the forest and camp wherever the hell you want to -for free!! Big Brother isn't even watching you! (oh....if you haven't read the book 1984, you need to...) anyway, so just remember, every law you approve, can lead to death or jail for not following it...so make sure that YOU would be willing to die for braking it!
thoughts of today: it's sad how people are learning how to communicate (in real life) less and less...thanks to oh so wonderful inventions like text-messaging and AIM and message boards and so on....people say "call me and i'll give you my screen name..." or "i mainly use my phone for text messages".....sad, oh so sad. also, people are leaving their houses less and less (it seems that way at least)....the internet eats away their time and life (esp. people on message boards that all have like 2000+ posts....wow...i only have two!), and then others watch tv..... also creativity is being affected by the internet...more and more people are channeling their creative energy into making websites and sig.s (collages...) and various other things....if there was no web, they might have become a famous artist or clothing designer or at least made something that you can actually touch...you know what i mean?
things stressing me out: over 500 pages behind in reading paper topic due in hours...eeeek midterm on tuesday quiz on monday paper due on wednesday two 8-10 page papers hanging over my head i have no desire to do school work i only want to create stuff and have fun (dance!) i try so so so hard to do homework, and it doesn't work worried about spelling something wrong while typing this
i found this on some site: (it's kinda funny)...............
" "Interesting Facts!
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you fart constantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it.)
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still can't get over that pig thing.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, and always falls over on it's right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?)
Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew? Who cares? How'd they find out, ask them?)
A catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...can you imagine??? And why pigs???)
A cockroach will live nine days without it's head before it starves to death. (creepy)
The male praying mantis does not copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the....)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig ...quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too.)
After reading all these, all I can say is..........
[[disclaimer: of course this is overly stereotyped and generalized...i'm not saying ALL of the people on these sites are like this....mostly the posers are....anyway, if you can't handle it, don't read it. this is MY site and can write whatever the hell i want to write and feel however i want to feel. your negative opinions are not accepted nor appreciated here. go away. get a life. go outside. go find something else to criticize.]] the differences between posting on an indie/emo/scene/(whatever it's called) message board like lipstickparty, and a rave message board like candykids.net: 1) people on the rave site are actually nice vs. lipstickparty idiots who are mean to random people 24/7 for no reason, at all. 2) they actually welcome and say hi to new people...vs. LSP is always being mean to their new people..."anyone who is new is stupid"! 3) they go out of their way to give you answers...vs.LPS doesn't ever seem to really answer anything.... 4) user names are like ~*sparkles*~ and *lovely* vs. LSP's oh so "deep" users like "xxtheexbeautifulxmistakexx and xxxemoXboyxx" and "XxdeathXisXmexX" ...that has gotta be the funniest difference...it's like the happy, pretty, full of life and maybe some hope names, vs. the dark, depressed, "cool," "original," -"OH MY GOD, I'M SO EMOTIONAL AND DEEP THAT I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF ANY MOMENT" names....ha ha ha 5) pictures and graphic styles are way different, and also music likes and dislikes, of course. 6) topics on the boards are sooooooooooo diff. the rave site has no "Anti-Avril" topics, no "hottest guy/girl" topic 7) the best diference is that most LSP people "don't dance" ...even though it's a site based losely on music, but 99%-100% of the people on candykids DO dance!! weeeeeeeeee!
(i guess that's where i was meant to be all along....! ha ha ha)
....but BOTH types of people like "Hardcore" music.....they just have different meanings for that word...(one is some kind of rock or whatever music, and the other is some kind of rave music)
it's just funny to experience both extremes....
why LSP kinda sux: [[[[.....it sucks when all the fat chicks get made fun of on LSP...soley because they are FAT...and no one can even stand up for them, or they will get made fun of too....i also think that LSP has become the direct opposite of the rich white preppy mainstream people....(which can still be bad) LSP people (at least some of them) are like SO extremely anti-ANYTHING THAT ANYONE ELSE LIKES, that it's starting to make me sick....it's like they say: "Oh i like hot topic clothes sooooo much, BUT since other people like it and go there, i won't...i'm going to hate it now! even though i REALLY and secretly like it..." or you have: "OH, what?!! my favorite band makes money now? they aren't unpopular anymore?! fuck that! i hate them now...i'll never listen to them again, just cuz they have money to buy food now and other people listen to them" i dunno...those things are really bugging me and also the gothic profiles and stuff...."oh look i'm so suicidal, oh look i'm morbid (am i cool now?)" it seems as though everyone is NOT being their true self...they are just trying to be cool...like claiming "i am emo"....what kinda BS is that? you can listen to emo. fine. but you can't BE emo, you can't BE punk...and when you say you are, it means you are either trying to look/be cool, trying to hard, or just plain faking it.... people shouldn't need to label themselves...they shouldn't try to conform to one style or another and only be ONE thing.... everyone should just be exactly who they truely are....and then, perhaps, everyone in the world might actually turn out DIFFERENT from each other, for once!! it's like people say "oh i'm so different! look at me!" and then there they are. dressed all punk...and so are ALL their friends... it's like "WOW, uhhh...yeah...you are 'different'...even though you look exactly like all your friends!...." also you get a lot of people saying "oh i have depression" just to look COOL...it's insane! that is not cool! that sux!!! i had friends like that for like 3 years! it's so annoying....]]]]
what?! you haven't seen my new "home" page that took me hours to make!?? shame on you! go push the button that says "home" and stare at my "homepage" for at least an hour!! lol doing homework now....i think...
okay i'm finally halfway all done with my site! errrrr.....does it ever end?! i'm still 350 pages behind on homework..plus i need to start my 10pg paper and study for and lern for a stats quiz.... i'm going to fail this quarter!!!
weeeee! i can put my own pix on this page now!!!!!!! i worked on this all night instead of doing my homwework that i was sooooooo worried about!! i need to create!... homework...just sucks!! also...all my angelfire pages keep going down cuz too many people are looking at them...so i'm going to have to get a new site...errr, but it's okay!
how observant may is: takes almost 4 hours to notice that the photographer closed the blinds! someone bought/brought me a flower because i'm sick....yay! that never happens.
YAY!! my scanner finally works!! here are my new years pix, yes....my hair was blonde again....but only for 2 weeks in december....it looked too orange so i went back to red.... [[news year rave pix!]] also some olf modeling pix that i just scanned: [[la jolla at night]] and some pix form 8th grade...ahhhhhhh! [[8th grade]]
with my site meter thing, i can see what page people came from to get to my site...it is often people who were searching for naked pictures of avril lavigne....some how the search engine gives them MY page...so THIS is for them: want naked pictures of that ugly chick Avril? click on this link and you won't anymore!!! [see avril..."naked" in one way or another] and yes, it really IS avril.
weeeee! i went dancing with Cicely (and her friend Lisa) last night....the place sucked...but we still managed to have fun... like defeating "the red guy" and so on...with Cicely's "fearless anaheim quality" (sorry inside joke...) i missed all my classes today...i overslept....eeeek!
wow. 331 people have fallen for my "naked pictures" trick...!! you sick people! ha ha ha. hello? this is me!!....if you know me at all, then you know that i would never put naked pictures on the internet, even if i owned some! and if you think that i am the type of person who would do that, then you are guilty of ("badly") stereotyping me, and not listening to and understanding what i say and think...
[[see my new short hair]] fall qtr grades: thde1= A intro to shakespeare= A vis21= A- mmw= B+ i finally made provost's honors this quarter, like Mia always does... ….which is actually bad... i don't want good grades because that means that i'm working too hard and that i'm not having enough fun...and i already missed having fun in high school....thanks to, among other things, getting a non-honors, non-AP class real 4.0 that i worked too hard for (you know, getting A's on all the stupid "busy work" that we all hated...etc..)...i now i finally got here (ucsd)...so what is the point of getting really good grades if they are all for nothing? you don't learn more by getting good grades (at least i don't) and you get stressed out...and for why? unless you are going to grad school, it's pointless...
i bought a delia's hat online for $0.98 the other day. yes that's 98 cents! ha ha ha.... the $18 hat was on sale for $9.99, and i had a "free" $10 gift certificate from delia's, but then the S&H charges were $5.99.... so i looked for coupon-codes on the internet, and found one for $5 off any delia's order...and tah-duh!...i basically got a free hat! weeee!
i want to go on a long vacation (for like a year) and do absolutely nothing but sleep and rest...i feel so worn out...i've had quite enough of life... i feel like all my dreams are dead...i feel too weak and tired to even try to reach them...
i'm still wanting a *best* girl friend...i don't think i will ever find one....all the good ones are taken. LOL. either that, or they are too old...and although i can relate to them much better than anyone my own age, they are in different places in life than i am, in other words: not in college. Liz (32 ...?) is married, Patrice (40) has 2 houses and two cars, and Veronica (24) has two part-time children.....and while they all look like they could pass for college students...they can't exactly live like one...they have too many responsibilities and can never hang out enough....besides...i want a girl friend my own age....ucsd is sooooooooo the wrong place to find anyone that is any fun, or understanding or compassionate....everyone here seems so cold and hard...so boring and normal...maybe even worse than "normal!".....ooh i really need to move OFF campus! i think ucsd weeded out almost everyone that has a heart.....and we are left with judgmental, conservative, greedy, selfish, snobby, preppy, ignorant, republican people that voted for our evil president....(not that the other one was any better....) ....me? no i'm not judgmental, i'm just bitter and opinionated! lol ...i'm going crazy just from justlooking at these ucsd people...they are making me hate people even more. ...i hate boys....and i also hate girls...so i guess that means i hate "people" ....(there are a few exceptions)... the more you know about people, and the more you understand them; the uglier they become on the inside....ignorance really is bliss... ignorant people go out and about and around in their little protective bubble, knocking people down, hurting people, judging people, and so on, but they really have no clue what they are doing...and they are very happy in their land of no pain... sorority girls are the perfect example...most of them at least...they talk about their best friends behind their backs and so on, lots of petty little things, they got stood up by their new boyfriend and it's the END of the world....that is the extent of the pain they feel...that is the extent of the world they know....and in that world, keeping your parking space is much more important than helping a friend. and if your guy friend's girlfriend's mom dies, you think he's stupid for crying about it...."you know it's not like it's his mom or anything"... this is the side of people that i see way too much...and maybe i'm begining to understand WHY people to drugs like heroine: to get away from this cold selfish world, to drown out the pain...to numb it, to escape from these people that are less "human" than even animals...
....but sometimes people are good people...amazingly....
i have realized that my website looks terrible when viewed from almost any computer other than mine. stupid beautiful flatscreens!! to me, the colors look way better, the size of things are perfect...and then from an old computer, all the colors are off...like the yellow is more greenish, and the size is all screwed up,etc...YUCK! i wish i knew how to fix it...i don't feel like wasting time and figuring it out though.... i think maybe this quarter i'll spend less time on the internet....but then again, maybe not....
I CUT AND SOLD ALL MY HAIR.....well almost....if it wasn't so "processed" i could have sold it.... anyways, they cut it WAY to short....that's the last time i go to an "expensive" salon where they offer you drinks and stuff...!! i'm going to start cutting my OWN hair....no one can ever do it right!!! they all suck... see pictures: [short red hair] [red] [more short hair pix] [black and white stripes] [more] [dress up]
this whole brake, i basically did NOTHING....in other words i was forced to relax...for the first time in 8 years....really...it was kinda nice....but i was also bored to death. everytime i was supposed to go dancing, something would happen...errrr...and i wouldn't get to go...but i did go rollar skating once! LOL and i also went to a rave for new years, of course. It wasn't as fun as the halloween massive i went to....the music wasn't as good or something was wrong...maybe it was because we didn't get there until 11pm instead of 6 or so like last time....anyways, it was kind of funny: at least 20 people came up to me asking if they could take pictures of me and also if i'd be in pictures with them....they must have though i was a "REAL" raver or something....i was wearing huge silver-rainbow hologram boots, hot pink shorts, a shiny belt, a tiny siver and hologram knit "club"/bikini type top and then some beads and stuff.....weeeee...that makes me a raver i guess.... ha ha. yay! i got a scanner! now hopefully i can throw away my digital camera.....LOL
![[see avril..."naked" in one way or another]](http://www.broken-stars.org/antiavril/avrilissodisgustingahhhhh.jpg){kind=link}
