See you Saturday! (January 28th) Tell all your friends! (21+ only) (EVERYONE, click the flyer to add CLUB FASHION WHORE as your friend! It will be a good friend, we promise.)
Revenge...is so sweet that I shall say good-night until it be morrow. (what?)
So this is an faux-article I wrote on She Wants Revenge a bit ago. I wasn't ever going to put it up or publish it, because it basically insults nearly everyone I know in some way or another, but oh well. (Sorry Mr. 37-year old and other musicians I know without cars, I mean no harm, but honestly, get a car. You need a car if you ever expect to take a girl on a date...You can have no job, no money, that's fine. BUT PLEASE HAVE A CAR! Any car! As long as it runs!)
and here is the faux-article:
"Deceit. Betrayal. Lies. Revenge... 'Til death do us part." It's romantic, that's what it is. Or what it's supposed to be. She Wants Revenge is the perfectly-crafted indie band, which makes them not really an indie band at all, although they have been know to send their fans myspace emails. No, not respond to; never a response, but a request. A request for an IM name. On the computer all day long working away, what better plan could you have? Tease all the (15 year old) girls. Promise them romance. Get them to fall in love. With your music. Even more. Without saying a word, get them to promote your music, because "look!" you are actually talking to them! The perfectly calculated reserved distance they keep from their fans makes it so that they get to be rockstars, while keeping their slight indie feel. It's genius. Finally a band with brains behind their music; a strategy. A carefully thought-out plan. And it's theirs. I wouldn't believe for a second if someone told me it was a marketer's idea. I'd say that Adam is behind it all, with his purposely reserved nature, and his Mathematics degree from UCLA.
Real indie musicians don't have degrees. Real indie musicians are so in love with their music that they lose all logic and follow music until they starve to death out on the street somewhere. This is not indie music, this is too well-crafted, too perfect, too planned, too thought out. - But (let's face it,) they've been alive far too long to do it any other way. They are adults. (They are old and they look it.) Adult musicians are rare. Most are teenagers forever, still asking for rides from their friends at age 37 because although still beautiful, they are car-less, which no matter how you argue it, makes them no more than irresponsible teenagers. But not these guys. These guys have cars and could take you out for a date. Maybe that makes it more romantic? I'd say a little. Better than some loser musician begging you for a ride so he can take you to dinner. (Nothing bothers me more than that.) Be indie, but have a fucking car! And that's what these guys have done, sort of.
But it's all a lie. You can tell they've got hip-hop running through their blood. And their shoes give them away. (Shoes tell so much about a person.) They've got their clothes down, sort of, but the wardrobe department must have missed their shoes. Fatal error. Style begins with the shoes. Music begins with the shoes. Indie girls wear stilettos, not chunky glittery platforms; Indie boys wear anything but New Balance. Sigh. The shoes of someone ordinary, but smart, pretending to be someone else. Always. New Balance should adopt that as their slogan. Con-men wear New Balance, and scientists, students with high GPAs. Real artists do not wear New Balance. It would make their feet feel nice, but it would wound their souls. The shoes are unromantic, the shoes give away the last of this band's secrets. The shoes ruin their plan. The shoes tell me that the lies I only pretended to buy were truly lies indeed. But while I don't buy into their image, and their lack of true deep emotional pain or suffering kind of turns me off, there is still something redeeming about this Joy Division rip-off band. No matter how much they've deceived us, no matter how many lies they try to tell us, their music is actually good. Very good. Yes, it is good because they've figured out the exact mathematical equation that makes a song sell, and because they've carefully crafted each set of lyrics to poke right through your soul, but however un-indie the reasons, it's still good. And they did it all themselves. The marketing, the crafting, the selling, the ideas - they came up with all these equations and answers themselves; not their marketers. They figured out how to make something sell, on their own - and THAT makes it indie, all over again. Even flirting with the girl who runs I-tunes to get download of the week. Brilliant. All self-made. They are the un-indie indie band of the year, and you love them. And they're getting bigger. Slowly. Creeping up on the world. K-ROQ today, MTV tomorrow. And when they are big, you will still love them, no matter how hard you try to escape, because they were crafted that way. And their image will stay imprinted upon your mind, because they wanted it that way. And in the mathematical, logical way to write a flawless song, they have you trapped; forever tearing at their souls for just one more taste. 'Til death do you part.
everything you know is a lie when i was little, i knew a lot of facts. like every other kid with good grades, i knew too many things. there were times in my life when i was one of those annoying people who would correct other people's grammar, facts, and sometimes even spelling. (i was only trying to help them, but later i found out that people don't like to be corrected, they want to stay dumb.) anyway, at some point, i started figuring out that so many "facts" or things that we just think are common knowledge aren't even true. this halloween i discovered that there's no such thing as poisoned halloween candy. it's not something that happens in real life, it's all a myth. my WHOLE life i thought that this was something to be worried about. i thought that since they had those scanners that check candy for razor-blades and because parents are supposed to check our candy to make sure that it's safe, it was a real worry. apparently not. my friend saul pointed out that it wasn't real. i looked it up on this new invention you've never heard of, called the internet, and sure enough, it was a myth. the only person who was ever poisoned by candy, was poisoned by their own parents, or something like that. take note, i said "or something like that" ... i don't remember the story exactly, what i just said isn't quite a fact either. you believe me and i think i'm telling the truth, but it might be a little off, so research it yourself to be sure. that's why so many of the things we know aren't true; people tell us things and we believe them and repeat them and other people repeat them until the truth becomes so mangled that it becomes a lie. at some point i realized that too many of the "facts" i knew weren't even true, but i didn't know which ones, so i decided to forget every fact i ever learned. they don't really matter anyway. most facts are useless, unless you're going to be on that "who wants to be a millionaire" show...if they still have it. yeah, facts can also be useful for small-talk, but honestly i think small-talk is a waste of time and avoid it at costs. if you don't have anything to say, than don't say anything (at all).
i keep meaning to write, but then i always get too busy and lose my thoughts.
sometime soon, new pictures by Joeseph Escamilla will be up, and maybe some other ones by another photographer if i like them enough. (i didn't like my make up) but i don't have any of the pictures yet...so i'm still waiting....
my club went pretty good last saturday...eveyone dressed up all cool. pictures will be up soon @ clubfashionwhore.com
i also got conned into modeling last second. i didn't really feel like it because i was sick and my shoes were too hard to walk in and various other reasons...
i'm going to be working on a new film starting Jan 29th.
it's going to be really hard because we are going to be shooting 12 hour days and i will get no sleep the night before because i will be at my club the day before from 5pm to 3am or so... and i assume i will need to be up by 5am or so... if i could even fall asleep, it would be a waste of time...
the movie phase... i think i'm getting to a point in my life where i actually want to watch movies again... i'm still not sure if i have the attention span for it though...not that i can't pay attention to something, but just that i would rather be MAKING a movie than watching one...rather be DOING something than watching something... but at the same time i think it would be nice to watch movies as kind of an educational thing...learn what other people do in their movies (lighting, costumes, acting, set, etc)... and see the movies that other people have seen to learn what their references to movies mean...and then to occasionally fall in love with a movie or to connect with it.
New Years Resolutions you know, as someone pointed out, it's good to be making changes all the time, but i think it's fun to make new years resolutions....
so let's see....
01) go outside! at least 15 minutes a day. it must be daylight! 02) go rollerskating FINALLY. 03) make time to eat (if there's money) 04) remember to stay in contact with family 05) fix things with chris by the end of the year 06) pay attention to cat 07) keep house clean. yeah. HAHA 08) no more putting effort into people who don't deserve it 09) write more! 10) record a real album, or at least 5 song EP 11) play live shows 12) EVENTUALLY quit my club or let it run itself or hire others to run it 13) actually DO photoshoots with all those photographers 14) don't put things off 15) maybe get on some kind of schedule? flexibity is great, but i'm going insane. 16) don't do things that are supposed to be fun but aren't 17) don't stay up more than 16-18 hours at a time. no more staying up 24-48 hours to get something done! 18) take care of my poor neglected nails 19) pay off all debt 20) make clothes again 21) get a day planner thing and remember to use it 22) try to not waste time 23) learn to RELAX 24) be a little bit more careful with what i say: don't say bad things about others + don't be overly honest with people who write articles 25) don't be negative about self 26) learn how to call strangers. grrr, i don't want to. 27) actually audition for things 28) poem book
"...to a place where there is no time" /workaholic
i'm not sure whether to apologize for the lack of updates or not. it's my blog, so i shouldn't have to be sorry, i can do what i want with it.... but at the same time i feel like i should say sorry to those who keep checking and checking and there is always nothing... who knows.
either way, i'm still completely lost in time. things that happened a month ago feel like a few weeks ago. i feel like i'm going insane. my house is a mess and it looks like either drug addicts or my mother has taken over. i'm trying to do to many things at once and yet still seem to not be doing enough. if i was Abe, (my guitarist,) i would say "i'm spreading myself too thin." i'm not giving enough time to promoting my club, i'm not giving enough quality and thought to the film i'm working on, and i'm not giving enough time to my band, yet i'm giving every moment of time that i have. except for the periods of time that i go through where i'm so depressed that i just sit here staring at something on the computer but even too depressed to write, to think ...
i really feel like i'm going crazy, or something.
i think it's just part of being 22. who knows.
lately i've been thinking that i'm over the whole bar/club scene. i know i might not talk enough about it here, but i used to go out what seemed like every night. thursdays, some fridays, every other saturday, some mondays, some special other days. it was all about showing up to the same places where people i knew would be. we would all show up to see each other, but never really make plans about it, and then it turned into making plans and it stopped feeling the same, and it stopped being fun, and every night just started to feel like every other night i had experienced and now the thought of going out just seemes like torture and yet I AM STUCK going out because of my club...having to go out EVERY night and talk to people i don't know to promote.
it's really awful because i'm going through one of those "i need to be alone" phases and yet i'm forced to be social. and i don't like meeting new people, yet i have to meet people...and the worst thing is that when promoting i meet so many of them that my brain just forgets them all. all the names and the faces just become so overwhelming that they just all blend into one and disappear completely.
i really wish that i could just have a mindless job working for someone else instead, just show up, do stuff, go home, have FREE TIME! but the problem with that is that it wouldn't work...i'm not like that...with everything i do i catch myself working harder than i'm supposed to and trying to do stuff that isn't my job, but NEEDS to be done....
like with the film i'm doing, instead of just sitting back and being a prissy actress; being spoiled and doing nothing but acting, i'm constantly trying to help keep things consistant and i worry about everything. but the thing is, SOMEONE needs to, because everyone else is too busy worrying about other things that things get overlooked. like two of the shots the director told all the extras to go to their places and a few were missing, and *I* am the only one that noticed and had them hunted down... if it wasn't for me doing more than my job, the shots would have been inconsistant ... like a room full of people and suddenly it flashes to a different view and the people have vanished into thin air! there are empty spots and no people where there just were a split second ago! then there was another scene when i unlock the door and walk in, and then later they were shooting the scene just before that and the guy looks out the same door and shuts it, but doesn't lock it.... so that means i was unlocking an unlocked door! so i had to tell them, hey, shouldn't he lock the door?
i'm just not the type of person who can just sit back and let things go wrong. i guess the real problem is that i'm paying attention in the first place. maybe if i didn't know what was going on, i wouldn't be able to spot problems and then i could be happily lazy and let people's projects fall apart and just not know...
anyways, the point to all that is that basically i work too hard with whatever i do, so i might as well work for myself and put my efforts into something that i think is worth doing...or at least into something that is my OWN and not someone else's.
the worst thing about running your own thing is that it is extremely difficult to find quality people to work with you. very few people are the kind that actually DO things without being told. very few people are completely reliable. very few people are on time.... i guess people just get this attitude like "well, it's not my thing, so i don't really care..." either that or they are just flakey....
i'm also starting to realize that some of the people i'm "friends" with just aren't really worth being friends with. they are hallow and empty...i guess like shallow, but in a more refined way. and then the people who i've met who do actually have something to them are all dying in depression and i'm really not in any shape to be a good friend to someone who NEEDS someone. i need something inbetween, someone who has a brain, but who doesn't *need* me, because i don't want to let anyone down... and then there are the people i know who have brains, but have just gone out so many times and are so used to talking about nothing that they no longer know how to think or talk about anything interesting.
it's starting to become clear that meeting people in bars is not such a good place to meet people...i always meet much more interesting people when i do acting projects...
and i'm starting to see that i never meet these people in bars because they are actually doing something with their lives and are too busy to be out! it makes me think, hey wait a second, what am i doing? going out again and again when i'm not even having any fun and for what purpose? i thought that it was to keep my friends, but i realize that i would much rather just be working on stuff. it makes me feel so much better to be productive.....
in the absense of reality is where we dwell. watching life, watching made-up, make-believe life, as we sit and do nothing. and some hope for the kind of life that will never exist, simply because no one will ever *do* anything to try to make it exist.
why live your own love story when you can just watch one on film? why live your own life when the people on the screen live life for you?
wrap yourself up in a world of dreams so you never experience anything at all. drink with your friends. "party" chat about meaningless things ...watch movies. watch instead of live. watch things that are so stupid that their mere existence insults and wounds life itself...
i hate how unromantic this entire world is, how crude, how casual, how ordinary. all the world's a stage, but no one even seems to know they have lines...no one is aware of the magic they could create...even pain is better than the nothingness that everyone has let themselves become...
a day off. the problem with having your own business is that how much money you make is based on how hard you work. if you don't work, you don't make anything. if you work just a normal amount, you'll still probably fail. in addition to not ever making enough money to eat, you also never get a day off, ever.
now i'm sure there are some people who have this all figured out, but not me. not yet.
i still have records i bought over a year ago that i haven't gotten a chance to listen to yet. i still haven't found time or money to go roller-skating. i still haven't seen all the movies that everyone else talks about. i still haven't found any time for my poor neglected boyfriend.
it would be so nice to just have a day off. a day for me. i day where i was required to do the things i like. because for some reason, i can't ever do anything unless i am obligated to.... i always put off the things i *want* to do...try to get all the things i *need* to do done first, which of course are endless, leaving no time to ever do what i want...
