AND they charge $20 ..... what losers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW. I can't believe they are doing this, and I was going to do my club in LA too ..... grrrrrrrrrrrrr....... Some people had talked to me about doing it at Star Shoes, and a friend of mine offered to help me do it up there as well.... so it's not like it's just some LA club that doesn't matter.....
I'm so in shock. How could someone steal all my ideas AND steal my club's name??!?!?!
my club's REAL myspace profile is here: click website: www.clubfashionwhore.com
Our 6 song EP "Wake Up Now" should be for sale within the next few months.... The only way to hear the rest of the songs is to buy the EP or come to a show... : )
23...I'm almost 23...what am I going to do with my life?
The thought of having to work every day for the next 30+ years sounds like absolute torture.
What is the point?
Why can't I just die now? What on earth is the point of being alive? I just wish that I could disintegrate into nothing. No heaven, no hell, no life. I just want to cease to exist. Is that so much to ask?
What is the point of all this?
Being alive is so stupid. I hate it. There is nothing I could obtain in this life that would make it worth living...
i really hate when people buy me drinks because it makes me feel like i owe them something and that i need to buy them a drink back someday, but i don't believe in buying drinks at bars, not for other people or myself.
i think it's insane to spend $5-ish on ONE drink when you can buy a GIANT bottle of vanilla vodka for like $17 on sale, and make like a MILLION drinks!
i would much rather save my money for food, or at least a material object like a shirt which will last for eternity, as opposed to a drink that will only last a second AND ruin my health.....
my friend Lisa bought me drinks in NY in september when i was broke and i still feel guilty for her spending her money on me and i kept wanting to buy her something in return (akkkk.... maybe even drinks), but i am STILL broke, it sucks!!
i would almost just rather no one ever bought me anything so that i would never have to feel like i owed anyone anything.
i've always been good at showering boyfriends with gifts, but have never gotten the spending money on/making things for friends thing down well enough.
i keep wanting to do things for friends and then i think "eep! i have too many friends! where to i even start?!?!"
like if i want to make a friend a mix-CD ...then i need to make everyone a mix CD ... can i give the same CD to everyone or do they all have to be different?
I spend 7 hours making my pefect mix-CDs!! I can't imagine having to come up with 15 + different ones! I don't have that kind of time! but then it wouldn't feel right to give everyone the same CD.... or would it? i don't know.... that's why i've always only stuck to making CDs for the people i've dated. much less complicated.
So usually I LOVE going out all by myself to clubs and bars because I really like the feeling of "randomly" running into people i know. I've never ever shown up anywhere without people I know being there, so it's not like I'm really going alone.... I get to hang out with all my friends, but I still get the benefits of going somewhere completely alone.
I really like it this way, because it makes it so that I don't have to be "attached" to anyone when I'm out. It makes it so that I can go anywhere I want, and talk to whoever I want without ever feeling tied down to a certain group of people or friend.
If I wanted to see ONLY a certain friend of group of people, I would hang out with them elsewhere....somewhere free from the distraction of running into other people I know...
I always feel obligated to give my full attention to the people I go with to clubs and bars and I HATE that feeling. I like to be free to give my attention to whomever I choose and I like to be able to leave when I want to and to not have to leave early because someone else wants to and I want to be able to go to an after party if I want to, or not go if I want to, or not be stuck somewhere so long.....
Going places alone is so great for all those reasons.
But yesterday I was thinking it might actually be fun to go to a club *with* my friends like I was supposed to on Sunday....
But after last night I think I changed my mind again. I like my freedom too much. And yes, technically you don't have to stick with your friends the whole time if you go somewhere together, but I always feel bad/rude when I don't.
There have been times when I have taken friends with me places and ended up not paying enough attention to them and they felt neglected and didn't have any fun and it was awful...
There have been other times when I have taken people places and they were miserable the whole time and wanted to leave early (again, because I wasn't paying enough attention to them).
And there have been times when I've been stuck at after-parties for far too long and had to call a boyfriend or someone to pick me up...(because i don't ever want to ruin the night of who-ever i'm with by asking them if we can leave [earlier than they'd like]....)
So yeah, as much as I kinda want to go out to clubs with my friends, I really don't think it's a good idea. It only works with big groups of people I guess....
Ok, so I've been sick for a month now. I'm trying to record with my band, but it's not going as good as it could because my throat hurts and my voice doesn't work well enough. CAN I PLEASE BE DONE BEING SICK NOW?!?!? I just want to hurry up and record!! we've been talking about recording for a month+
6 song EP coming soon! (As soon as I am well enough to record...haha)
"...An interview with May Star. Never heard of her? You will. As yet unsigned to a record label, she has one of the most painfully bittersweet voices I have heard since Johnette Napolitano circa her Dream 6 days. She is also quite a hottie.
I warn you in advance, the song "She Always Laughs (at the Most Horrible Things)" will stick in your head and you'll find yourself humming it all night long. Not a bad thing."
I want to be something I'm not. And this is only today. I want to lie. I want to look like something I'm not so that there is something secret to discover. And I guess maybe I am already that way, but it's backwards; it's not the way I want it. I guess, by accident, I look happy, I look blonde, I come across as "a rich girl" ... the popular girl, and I bet I even come across as dumb. But it's all a lie.
I don't mean to come across as anything, but I can't speak.
It's hard for me to put things into words. I CAN ONLY WRITE. I can write books and pages of words and sentances and emotion and feelings. Anger, rage, sadness, hopelessness, despair...I can only write how I feel. I can never seem to put it into spoken words. I can't have a deep conversation unless it's either an argument or I have someone deep and educated to bounce off of. I have nothing to say, unless I have a keyboard. It's awful. I want to be me ALL the time. I want to be seen as who I am and not this false image that people see me as. But it seems impossible.
And at the same time, I wish that I could lie. And not be overly honest and opinionated. I wish I could pretend not to care about someone, and play games, and WIN... instead of being honest and losing because of it. I just can't be fake. I must point out all the bad qualities of everything or else I feel like I'm lying. If I was trying to sell someone a house, I would HAVE TO include all the things that sucked about it....not because I would feel guilty if I didn't, but because I would feel like I was being FAKE if I didn't.
But back to wanting to lie...I want to be a character, I want to be a mysterious beautiful girl, I want to pretend to be something I'm not...
And I want to pretend that I don't feel alone and abandoned by people who called themselves my friends. Even though I shouldn't care, even if they aren't the right people for me, even if they don't matter, even if I have a million another people who love me and who are actually my real friends, it still hurts that someone could be so fickle. It makes sense. It goes along with everything else, fake people make fake friends as well. But it still is terrible. Even though I was really the one who left, I still feel as though I am the one who was abandoned. Maybe I just hate the fact that I was not cared about enough to be missed....
Maybe I am jealous of how close everyone always gets to each other and how I can never seem to get that close to those type of people. I keep my distance from everyone, but it's not on purpose. I don't know how to be close, I don't know how to be normal. I always end up feeling detached and left-out. And sometimes I don't want to be a part of something because I think it's stupid, but at the same time, I still want to be a part of the parts that are not stupid....I guess it's that I want to feel loved and accepted without actually having to be an actual part of anything.
When I am part of something, I always manage to destroy it. Sometimes because I wished it away and sometimes merely because I said too much. Too honest. Too negitive. And while my honesty and negitivity can be extremely self-destructive, I can't go about life any other way, because I would feel fake, and I just couldn't even get myself to act fake, my lips wouldn't be able to form the words. It's anti-professional in a way as well. I'm not here to sell you something, I'm going to tell you exactly how things really are, I'm going to strip them down and make them sound horrible, because that's the TRUTH. If I had a small magizine, I would never say "Oh, you should write for my wonderful magazine" ...I would say "You should write for my magazine, but I'm warning you, no one ever reads it, the rest of our writers are kind of bad..." And so on. I will always say too much, I will always talk you out of everything with the truth. And the worst thing is, I will talk you out of things that actually are better than other things, but those other things stuck with their lies and so they won...
I want to be myself sometimes and sometimes I want to be everyone else instead. Contrast. I want to be different, but I want to be the same too. But when I want to be the same, I don't want to be different anymore and when I want to be different I detest all the things that are the same...
this is old (from my myspace profile) we may be nothing, but could you at least care about me?
why is it so hard to get someone to CARE?
person after person after person and you have ALL walked away knowing nothing about me.
you took and you never gave. you spoke, but you never listened.
i found out as much about you as you would let me, as much as i could find. but you never even cared enough to learn my middle name.
or my favorite color
or anything at all.
"i want you to know everything about me"
but you want to do nothing of the sort. you only care about yourself.
i waited by the phone. i waited forever. i thought about you all the time. and you went on with your life. out of sight, out of mind. is that what it is?
Mainstream Scenesters: The Final Death of the "Indie" Scene
Not too long ago, the kids in the indie scene, called "scenesters" were "cooler" than everyone else because they listened to bands no one else had ever heard of, and did everything they could to be the opposite of mainstream culture. Indie bands were called "indie" because they were "independent" ...but now it seems as though "indie" is such the new mainstream trend, that it's not "indie" at all, yet still goes by the same name. Interpol, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers: They are somehow called "Indie Dance Rock" ...yet there is nothing "indie" about them. Their music videos are all over TV and their music is all over the radio. The Coachella Music Festival is becoming more mainstream, with what seems like more and more people going to it every year. Indie/scenester bars are filling up with mainstream people who know nothing about music, yet try their hardest to get the "indie" fashion down.
It's all become a big joke, in my opinion. Maybe there is an indie scene somewhere else that actually is "indie" ...but definately not here in San Diego. No one has any individuality. Everyone just follows, and then follows some more. Everyone is a copy of a copy of a copy of someone else. Even some of our DJs are merely copies of our other DJs.
Even bands that are supposed to be the cool new thing seem tired and played out as soon as they emerge into "the scene." White Rose Movement, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Wolfe Parade, The Editors .... Of course it's good for the bands for everyone to know who they are, but it just seems as though our scenester and our scenester DJs are falling behind. Is this the best you can do? Is this the most obsure music you can come up with? I heard Clap Your Hands Say Yeah on the RADIO...and White Rose Movement is playing ultra-trendy Coachella....Oh wait, so are all the other bands. Really obscure. Yeah.
In the 90's Raves used to be the "cool" thing, and then all the mainstream people found out and invaded which killed the spirit of the rave scene and it died. The same thing seems to be happening with the "Indie" scene. It's blowing up, it's everywhere. It's on ipod commercials, it's at urban outfitters, it's on the radio. It doesn't even really exist anymore. A scene based on elitist knowledge of obscure bands can't exist if EVERYONE knows about the "obscure" bands...and at the same time, as much as "everyone" knows about these same bands, the truth is, these bands aren't even the ones that were cool. It's disposable music. Each band is big for a few months and then "the scene" moves on to the next band, which sounds slightly like the last band, but a little different. And in 10 years, no one is going to remember ANY of these bands. None of this music is "great" ...it's just kind of "there" ...it works for the moment, but taken out of the scene, and the context of being "cool and obscure" it really doesn't have any legs of it's own to stand on.
The opening of Beauty Bar in San Diego could definately mark the final death of San Diego's "indie" scene, and the "official" beginning of the era of the Mainstream Scenesters. As if it wasn't bad enough that Beauty Bar charges more for drinks than any of our little indie dive bars, and if it wasn't bad enough that their DJ's don't even get the money the door makes, the worst thing of all is happening: the entire scene is moving into that one venue. Beauty Bar is a chain, which is already very un-indie, and now every "indie" night we have is moving into that place.
When I heard that Beauty Bar was moving to San Diego, I thought it was going to be cool, like the one in New York... a no-cover bar with electrotrash-punk-beauty pageants once a month. Instead, all Beauty Bar is is everything we already had, just in a new location. Nothing creative or new, just a bunch of the same old DJs and their sheep in indie clothing. It used to be that you could go to whistlestop one day, livewire the next, and so on. Now everything that used to be held at those places is at Beauty Bar. So now, not only do we see the same people every time we go out, but we go to the same place, day after day after day. Even more like lunch-time at Junior High than it ever was before.
So I've stopped going out. It just doesn't sound like fun anymore. The same music, the same style-less people, the same everything, night after night after night. I'm forced to go out to promote my club, but I'm honestly starting to think it's a waste of time. These people have no individuality or style, they are afraid to be different ...I can't imagine any of them actually getting dressed up in themes to go out... I really think I'm done with this entire "scene" ....It's really just become so lame! I've moved on. I have my own band, and I have my own club. I'll work on making those great, and stop wasting my time hanging out with people who have no other purpose in their life than just hanging out in bars....
