how do you write a book where all the heroes are villains?
How can you write a completely honest book without incriminating the people you love?
There is no good and evil, no black and white.
How can I paint the best people I know as good when their flaws will immediately make them look worse than murderers?
The monsters snatch the girl from her loving mother, and when the girl returns to her mother at last, she finds her mother has become an even worse monster, and reality is destroyed.
The hero saves the girl, then murders her, then saves her again.
How can I ever write my book in the right words?
7 years, it remains unwritten.
Do I protect the hero-villains? Do I paint them as heroes only?
Or do I tell the whole truth and lose every secret?
Destroy my life and the lives of others......... is the truth worth it?
so many things i cannot say publicly. so many secrets.
things only a few know.
secrets from myself.
i liked it better when i knew almost no one and could say whatever i wanted and the strangers were my friends.
things are going in circles, but getting worse, my own problems are not so bad, i deal with them as they come up, although my entire existence built on a broken foundation, but i bypass that part...
it's my mom's life that is the problem.
every single thing that could ever be wrong is. it's all the bad things all over again .... back at square one for her... another 7 years.
i don't know who is reading, i don't know who is judging, i don't want to write the details but i do.
i don't know what i want.
another person.
she said that people understanding me is what makes me happy... maybe she is right. maybe that is it.
because sometimes i write and it's not because i want people to feel sorry for me, i hate that, and it's not because i want a conversation, because i don't....
i just want to be heard, and understood, and that is all.
